March 15, 2010

My Need to Write

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss
I've been thinking a lot about how I want to use Jen to Lose as my place to write about my journey.

I've been thinking a lot about what I need to do and how I need to proceed to continue the journey of working toward my weight loss goals.

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff, but I haven't been acting on that stuff.  But that's OK.  That's where I am at in this moment.

I've wanted to be really upbeat and positive and encouraging, saying things like, "You can do this Jen!  I know you can!  Keep trying!  You're making the change."  And I want to say those things, because sometimes they will help me.  I will say those things.  But not right now.

Right now, I want to contemplate.  I want to think about how I can do this differently.  About what I need to do differently.  I've decided that I need to keep going.  I need to make slow but steady steps.  I need to process my thoughts.  I need to write.  I need to do the work.

About six weeks ago, I started using this blog, I got on plan, and I was going strong.  But I let a stressful week of craziness derail my efforts after three weeks.  I made the choice to not do the work.  I stopped writing.  I was probably guilty and ashamed that I was giving up, failing, etc, etc.  And so I stopped writing.

But I need to write.  I need to figure things out.  I need to get my thoughts and feelings out!  Because they clutter up my head!  I have all this clutter in my house and my head!  And I want to get rid of it all!  I'm calling it spring cleaning!  Spring clean my head!  Anyway.

So I'm going to write.  I'm going to ramble on and on and on.  I'm going to process.  It is what I need.  It is a small step.  This week I am writing.  This week I am thinking.  This week I am spring cleaning my head.

Some might consider this procrastination, and it might be just a little.  But I really feel like I need to do this write now!  I do feel that sometimes move my mouth too much (eating and talking) and don't actually move and act.  But I honestly feel like this is where I am at right now.

And though I would love to be like you strong bloggers out there--hitting the gym hard--I'm not there right now!  You keep going because your actions inspire me!  I'm just accepting that I'm not there, at least not this week.  I am here.  And it's OK.

Now sometimes when I get into my "pour out my soul" mode, I express a lot of my insecurities.  And that's OK--that's where I'm at.  I need to get it out.  I might sound a little whiny.  I might sound down on myself.  I'm just getting all of the crap off of my chest so I can move from self pity mode to the fighting, "you can do this" mode!  I'm not asking for sympathy.  I just I'm expressing where I am at.

Now I don't really think there is anyone out there still reading this post that is going on forever, but just in case, I want to say this:

There are some amazing people out there who have already started to support me in my weight loss journey!  You've commented and encouraged--and I SOOO, SOOO appreciate it!  I long for the comments!  They keep me going!  I love reading them!   But when I get a little whiny and long winded and down right pathetic, you really don't have to say anything (unless you really want to).  I can't believe I am asking people not to comment--I'm crazy!  Now the four people who I've actually connected with will never comment again. 

What I'm trying to say, is I'm saying all of the stuff because I HAVE to say it for myself--not because I'm asking for the encouragement--does that make any sense at all?  I love, love, love the encouragement, so if you are still reading this, you truly are a saint, and should leave a comment if you would like.  Or you could just think me a strong, happy thought--and that thought will go a long way in providing the encouragement I need! 

OK.  So all three of you out there who I don't really think are reading this--please don't stop commenting.  I'm just laughing at how ridiculous this is all sounding.  It makes sense in my head.

Anyway!  I love the Dr. Seuss quote that started this "longest post ever."  I love quotes in general.  So I'm going to use them to guide my talk as I post this week.  I'm also going to focus in on my goals.  This has been so hard for me to do, and it's the area where I hit a road block when I started this business a few weeks ago.

So I am here!  I am still in the game!  Game on!


  1. :) Glad you're ok!

    If it's any consolation the start was the hardest part for me. You've gotta climb a huge hill, unlearning your old bad habits, changing your life and dealing with your issues. Once you get to the top though, it's a helluva view!

    I don't know about other people, but I don't feel like a "strong person hitting the gym hard" - even though I do. For me I just got to a point where eating healthily and exercising are /normal/; as normal as binge eating and being a couch potato used to be.

    You can totally do this!

  2. Glad to see you back; blogging can be very therapeutic!

    Take your time and do this at your own pace - remember, it's a marathon not a sprint! It's going to take as long as it's going to take. It's for life. There's no rush.

    And don't compare yourself to other bloggers, everyone's journey is different!

  3. I blog for myself. I think we all should! Write want you want:) Don't worry about what others think or if you have readers. Readers are great; comments are great; the support out here is great. But the act of blogging can be great in and of itself!


Hey -- Thanks for reading! Leave a comment keeping it positive!